Recently, a close friend told me about an amazing year in business. Things had finally broken through for him. He was making a lot of money, and I was excited to see his work paying off.
I was happy for him. And if I’m being honest, it stung a little.
Since moving to Hawaii, I’ve been rebuilding my client base, growing an online presence, and figuring out how to scale my business. When I’m working with clients, I feel completely in line with what I’m doing. Building the business around that work has brought up plenty of uncertainty. Hearing my friend’s good news brought my own questions right to the surface. Why wasn’t I further along? What did I think his success said about mine?
Take a breath before you decide what it means
I use state, story, and strategy in my coaching. That conversation gave me a chance to use it on myself.
State. I start with a breath break. A few intentional breaths give me a moment to slow down and notice what I’m feeling. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes it helps to pick up a kettlebell, move a little, or go for a run.
Story. Once I’ve slowed down, I can hear the story I’m telling myself. In this case, it was that I was behind. Then I look at what’s also true. I live in a place I love with the woman I love. I have friends and family who support me. I get to write songs, spend time outside, and do work that fills my spirit. So much of the life I wanted is the life I’m living.
Strategy. From that place, I can ask a better question. What can I actually do next? I can learn from my friend, follow up with someone, or sit down and make the thing I’ve been putting off. The business has room to grow. I can see the next step more clearly when I take a moment to appreciate what’s already here.
Walk up to your own ball
Golf gives me a place to practice this. I can appreciate someone else’s great round and learn from how they play. When it’s my turn, I still have to walk up to my own ball, choose my shot, and play the game I have that day.
I want my friends, my clients, and my family to have their breakthrough years. I want them to share the good news with me. All boats rise with the tide, and I want to contribute to that.
The next time someone’s good news leaves you feeling behind, take a few breaths. Name the story you’re telling yourself, then name one thing that’s already going well. From there, choose one action you can take this week. What would playing your own game look like today?
If this sounds like something you’re working on too, I write about it in the free MindMill newsletter.